Remembrance

Hi everyone!!

I’m coming home tomorrow! As excited as I am to be back with my family and loved ones I can’t help but feel some sadness in leaving my new friends. I have lived with these people for almost three months. We have laughed together in the joyous moments, we have grieved with each other in the moments when we have been completely broken, and we have celebrated together in the moments when we have triumphed.

It hasn’t completely sunk in yet the fact that tomorrow I start the next chapter of my life without them. They won’t be there to cry, laugh, and love with me. But I know that we will always have a special bond and friendship that comes from the Holy Spirit inside of us. I know that I’m going to love my teammates forever and always.

With all that being said I hope to never forget what all I’ve experienced and what all God has done. I’ve just been asking God what all this experience meant for me. And I think this whole experience has brought me a newfound love for community. I now realize that I need people in my life that are going to keep me accountable, that are going to call me higher up, and that are going to love me in the way Christ does. This mission trip has allowed me to rely on God on a whole new level that I never did before this trip. Not having my family with me at all times was very hard in the beginning, and led to much sadness and grief, but it allowed me to be gracefully broken by the Lord. And I realize that I don’t need anything of this world I only need God and that’s enough for me.

When I go back home I just need to remember that I’m not gonna be the perfect Christian. And I don’t need to put so much pressure on myself to meet an expectation that I think I need to meet. I just need to remember to look at him at all times and invite him into my life. Because he wants to do life with me, he wants to do life with all of his children.

Some questions that have been brought to mind are:

What are the things that I have come to value on these months on the field?

I’d say I’ve come to value my relationship with the Lord, a godly community, and the Lord’s grace.

What has made me come alive?

The time I felt most alive on the field was in Cambodia when I would have a kid in my lap, and they would be holding my hand so tightly. Just giggling and laughing and smiling up at me.

What have I realized about happiness and purpose?

I have realized that joy and happiness are two entirely different things. On the field, I dealt with many waves of emotions. Some days I would be completely down in the dumps and broken, but other days I would be so full of love and excitement. Now I realize that even on the bad days God is still there. He’s not distant he is right there alongside me and he wants to comfort me and love me. I just had to remember to praise God in the numbness and in my brokenness. I also had to remember to praise him in the good moments. The moments when I felt on top of the world and useful. It’s easy to forget how much we need God when everything is going great for us.

And about my purpose? The Lord has made it evident that I have a passion for kids and children’s ministry. I don’t know what the Lord wants to do with that yet. So I’m just trying to listen to him and see where he wants me to go and I know that whatever he wants me to do it’ll be for his glory.

So yeah, I’m excited to be going home, but it is a bit bittersweet. I know everyone on my team is gonna go far in life and they’re going to grow in their walk with the Lord. I can’t wait to see all that they accomplish. I’m so grateful to have been able to go on this mission trip and have this once in a lifetime experience. As I come home, I pray I never forget all that the Lord has taught me, all that I’ve experienced, and I pray I never forget my need for the Lord.

Here’s some verses that have been on my mind these past few months

Isaiah 41:10

Philippians 4:6-7

Psalms 31

2 Corinthians 12:9

Jeremiah 29:11

All these verses brought me so much comfort and gave me strength to keep going. And I hope you all find some peace and comfort in them as well!